My Husband Had An Affair – Can You Help?
“But whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding: he that does it destroys his own soul.” Prov. 6:32
The Sin of Adultery
The Bible says that the heart of man (or woman) is deceitful and desperately wicked. That truth sums up why we sin. It is not an excuse to sin but it is why we make the choices that we make even though they will inevitably bring sorrow, regret and pain.
Betrayal in any relationship brings heartache but betrayal as a result of adultery rips the guts out of a marriage. The marriage covenant is broken and the trust relationship held between a man and wife is destroyed. The first response when the affair gets exposed is shock and a broken heart. Dear reader, is this where you are? You may be asking yourself, “Am I such a failure as a wife that he went looking elsewhere to get his needs met?” Or, you may just be angry and you just want him out of the house, but then you think, “How can I support myself?” Or, “What will this do to our children?” Your mind is a jumble of questions with few good answers. The hurt is so deep and despite what he has done you love him and you don’t want to lose him.
Adultery and The Road to Restoration
The road leading back to the restoration of your marriage is not an easy road. There are potholes of discouragement and even second guessing your decision, but restoration is possible and is the most glorifying to God. It takes two people who are committed to God and who want, by God’s grace, to restore the marriage. There must be true repentance on the part of the offending spouse and a complete break from the adulterous relationship. Adultery is a sin like any other sin and it can be forgiven. Though it quite often is not the road chosen by the offended spouse it is biblical and the most honoring to God.
You might be saying, “But, how do you forgive?” Dear reader, forgiveness is an act of the will, a choice you make without regard to your present feelings. And, it is a choice you will have to make again and again as feelings of resentment, anger or bitterness rise up within you. Matthew 6:15 says, “But if you forgive not men (your husband) their sins, neither will your Father forgive you your sins.” Jesus did not say to you, “I will forgive you of lying but I won’t forgive you of adultery.” If we confess our sin He will forgive us of our sins (all sins). Because we are forgiven we too must forgive. The forgiveness He freely gives us cost Jesus His life and there is a cost when we forgive others.
”Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin.” (Timothy Warner)
When you forgive, it does not mean your spouse did not sin. It does not mean you will not still hurt. It does not mean you won’t cry anymore. As Nancy DeMoss shared, “Letting him off your hook just means you are putting him on God’s hook.” You can’t change your husband’s heart but God can. Make a decision today to forgive your husband and then commit him to God in prayer. Pray daily for him in faith believing that God will restore your marriage and renew your love for each other. Avoid the temptation to bring up the affair, instead, continually lay it on the altar as a sweet smelling sacrifice to God.
Laura Baker is the founder and president of Prasso Ministries. Laura has devoted her life to helping women who have experienced hurt, discouragement and bitterness. She developed Prasso, a 12-week teaching program, to help bring healing and change to thousands of women.